Well not really... a comfortable end to my South American Experience
30.04.2008 - 02.05.2008
Ok... all the changes to my itinery actually meant that I get 10 hours to see Santiago... not enough time really...
so, I opted to enjoy the comforts of the VIP lounge at the airport... and must say I got value for money!
For 30 USD, I got free access to internet all day... free local calls... hot showers with all the toiletries you could possibly need, English tea, a constant supply of fresh food and fruit, and tea, coffee, beer, champagne... cereal, youghurt, fresh juice... soft drinks... oh... and a large plasma for me to watch Chelsea beat the Scousers in the European cup semi finals! Luxuries that a backpacker is not used to!!!
I am feeling very happy and content as I step onto my flight out of the continent.
I got much longer and much more out of this continent than I ever could have imagined... and I can not recommend a trip here enough! I will be back during my life... but with some Spanish skills next time!!!
And... just to finish the continent off with a smile... here is a selection of products that amused my childish sense of humor...
Some Fish... and Pineapples!!!
Yum... sounds appealing!
And for you ladies... I bet you would like to chomp on this bar of chocolate!!!
Oh... and don't forget... the rules of being a South American bus driver... based on my experience...
Bus Decor... make sure you have rediculous disco lights on the front of your bus:
Turnstile - if you are driving a bus around town... picking up passengers from airports... make sure you have a stupidly small turnstyle installed on the bus so that back packers make a tit of themselves trying to enter.
Temperature - regulate between baking hot and freezing cold to maximise the discomfort of your passengers.
Sales - Allow pesky sellers onto the bus at any given point of the journey. Please ensure these sellers are very loud, pushy, and selling something of no use at all to your passengers.
Entertaining Your passengers
Music - make sure you repeatedly and loudly play a small selection of crap songs all through the night.
Entertainment - should your bus have the luxury of a TV screen, play very loudly a film in Spanish with no subtitles... or play in English at a volume level too low for your passengers to hear!
Starting - It is MANDATORY that you never leave on time.
Stopping - never stop for a passenger to get on or off. You are in such a hurry that they MUST enter and exit a moving bus... even though you have no interest in sticking to the timetable.
Red traffic lights - definitely do not stop. Speed through with caution... tooting your horn for good effect.
Overtaking - only do so when it is on a blind bend, in darkness, and when there are no less than 4 artic lorries to pass.
Breaking - hard breaking should only be used when your passengers doze off. This is a really amusing way to wake them up!
Driving technique - weave in and out of the decent parts of the road to ensure you hit every pot hole on route!
Pedestrians & cyclists - they are pests. Drive at them hard and they'll get out of your way!
Route - if you are on a 'DIRECT' route... make sure you stop at least 5 times, pick up passengers and have at least 1 driver break.
Too much to remember?
If this is too much to remember... become a taxi driver. For this you need to do two things:
1. Double the price of the fare for any tourist.
2. Grin smugly the next day when fares return to normal for the local that the tourist is now travelling with.
Catch you on the other side of the globe my friends!
VIP lounged up - Bees out!